You've worked hard - an animatic too! Not much to contribute in terms of story, because it's working nicely, so I've got some suggested tweaks and refinements,
Firstly, I think you can make the 'ink trails' work a bit harder for you - so, instead of random trails, it would make your sense if the two writing implements were actually writing stuff; it occurred to me, that the fountain pen could write in Latin: for example, we see that his trail spells out 'supernus' (latin for superior) - or similar.
The crayon could be spelling words too - but not joined up and not spelled correctly - and if he's not writing joined up writing, then his motion path would be discontinuous and 'jumpy'.
In regard to the final scene, I still don't think your pen needs to swoon; if you stage that shot right, with the 'camera' now behind the pen, and rising very slowly to reveal the computer, this staging would have a 'diminishing' effect on the fountain pen and the new hierarchy would be more than clear.
The other observation - or should that be technical challenge? - is to investigate a more 360 degree approach to staging your Act 2 - yes, you've got the overhead shot and that's going to work nicely, but I think there's an opportunity to really work into the plastic potential of the 'white space' - this animation, which you may have seen already, really does this - such dynamism and variety of coverage! Check it out and be inspired...
http://vimeo.com/20793651
I may be going blind - but I couldn't find an essay intro on here yet?
OGR 20/03/2012
ReplyDeleteHey Steve,
You've worked hard - an animatic too! Not much to contribute in terms of story, because it's working nicely, so I've got some suggested tweaks and refinements,
Firstly, I think you can make the 'ink trails' work a bit harder for you - so, instead of random trails, it would make your sense if the two writing implements were actually writing stuff; it occurred to me, that the fountain pen could write in Latin: for example, we see that his trail spells out 'supernus' (latin for superior) - or similar.
http://www.latinwordlist.com/latin-words/supernus-30941177.htm
The crayon could be spelling words too - but not joined up and not spelled correctly - and if he's not writing joined up writing, then his motion path would be discontinuous and 'jumpy'.
In regard to the final scene, I still don't think your pen needs to swoon; if you stage that shot right, with the 'camera' now behind the pen, and rising very slowly to reveal the computer, this staging would have a 'diminishing' effect on the fountain pen and the new hierarchy would be more than clear.
The other observation - or should that be technical challenge? - is to investigate a more 360 degree approach to staging your Act 2 - yes, you've got the overhead shot and that's going to work nicely, but I think there's an opportunity to really work into the plastic potential of the 'white space' - this animation, which you may have seen already, really does this - such dynamism and variety of coverage! Check it out and be inspired...
http://vimeo.com/20793651
I may be going blind - but I couldn't find an essay intro on here yet?